He’s got to leave to be missed
When I went to college, a thousand light-years ago, coming home
was the last thing on my mind.
I was 17, and old enough to be on my own – or so I thought. I
was having too much fun to think about my family.
Then I graduated, worked, married, had babies, and the babies
grew up. Now one of them is at college. He’s having a great
time.
He’s got to leave to be missed
When I went to college, a thousand light-years ago, coming home was the last thing on my mind.
I was 17, and old enough to be on my own – or so I thought. I was having too much fun to think about my family.
Then I graduated, worked, married, had babies, and the babies grew up. Now one of them is at college. He’s having a great time.
He’s also coming home – a lot.
Part of the reason why is proximity and mobility. Ross is living only 45 minutes away, in the dorms at University of California Santa Cruz, and he has a car.
Since he left for college at the end of September, he has been home at least six or seven times. He came home this week because he got a day off for Veteran’s Day, and also he had a musician friend performing in Monterey whom he wanted to see.
And that old Dan Hicks song keeps running through my head: “How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”
I was expecting to miss him a little bit. But I haven’t really had the chance yet.
It’s not that I don’t love having him around. It’s always great to see him, and he doesn’t wear out his welcome. In fact, one or two times, his coming home has been measured in minutes – breezing in long enough to pick something up and then be off again.
When I went to college, my parents and I talked once a week, every Sunday, like clockwork. I came home for the major holidays and several summer vacations.
Thanks to the magic of cell phones, Ross and I talk several times a week. We also text occasionally and e-mail as well. We communicate far more frequently than I ever did with my folks.
My son lives close enough that weekend visits are easy, and since a few of his friends are still in the area, he comes back to see them. His family is somewhat important, but secondary.
He went to the recent homecoming festivities at his high school – something I never dreamed of doing after I departed for college – and even brought his college roommates along.
When I went to college, I wanted to deny the past and become someone totally different. I was determined to leave high school behind. Ross, on the other hand, wants to combine everything he has been with what he will be.
Obviously, he isn’t me. It makes me wish that I had embraced more of my high school self when I had the chance. As it was, I lost track of just about all my friends from that time, although I did reconnect with them decades later at reunions.
Some other parents I know with children going to nearby colleges actually forbade them to come home before Thanksgiving. The worry was that the kids weren’t seeking enough independence away from the family.
I couldn’t do that to Ross.
Although I did forbid him to bring his dirty laundry home. And he did agree to that.
So he’s here for a night and a day, long enough for dinner and sleeping and breakfast. Then he’ll zoom back to UC Santa Cruz.
People ask me, “Don’t you miss him now that he’s away at school?”
The truth is I haven’t had the opportunity to properly miss him yet.
Maybe one of these days, I will. But for the time being, it’s just fine.
