We can all breathe a sigh of relief now that NRA CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne Lapierre spoke out about the tragic shootings in Newtown, Conn. on Dec. 14.

Now let me say that I have no political axe to grind in this debate about firearms. Yes, I’m both a mother and a grandmother, which gives me a double-down on the “Mama Grizzly” thing. Given the deep emotional attachments I have toward two daughters, two sons-in-law, four grandchildren and a husband of 38 years, I can say, without qualification, that I respect the Second Amendment and the right to bear arms. Just please don’t be bearing them in my direction.

So when Mr. Lapierre read his essay (it was called a press “conference” although there wasn’t any notable “conferring” going on), he trotted out the usual suspects for the cause(s) of the recent horrific massacres: it’s the fault of video games, violent movies, lax prosecution of criminals, music videos, the media and the “nation’s refusal to create an active national database of the mentally ill.”

He followed up this position on “Meet the Press” where he talked a lot about “evil monsters” and “lunatics.”

But he is satisfied the problem isn’t with assault rifles or high-capacity ammunition magazines.

Luckily, Mr. Lapierre offered a solution for halting the proliferation of mass shootings in schools: putting armed security guards in the nation’s 99,000 schools. (He didn’t propose a solution for mass shootings at movie theaters and malls, but we’d better put armed guards there, too, while we’re at it.)

Government bean counters can relax because these security guards could be made up of – volunteers! That’s right. Retired police officers, military men and women, reservists, secret service – even retired firefighters would become part of an “extraordinary corps of patriotic, trained qualified citizens” who would be “happy to serve.”

Well, OK, let’s say even if you’re comfortable with your first grader rubbing elbows with a patriotic and trained volunteer retiree toting a gun around the playground, let’s talk reality for a moment.

When I was the four-term president of my daughters’ Home and School Club, I found it dicey getting volunteers for something as simple as a pancake breakfast. This got me thinking. Would retired folks commit to such a large-scale effort?

I personally know two retired folks: my husband and me. Although we aren’t former police officers or military folks, we worked a combined 47 years in the national defense industry where we both held secret security clearances. I mean, talk about background checks!

So say my spouse and I sign on as retired volunteers and we get trained to handle guns and all. I can tell you that those schools will be out of luck on Tuesdays because that’s when Hubby plays golf. As for me, this whole handling a gun thing is dubious. I mean, I have trouble with scissors for heaven’s sake.

Speaking of guns, does this involve the use of a service revolver or what? Because how the heck do people of retirement age stop a 20-year-old bent on firing off 100 rounds with a semi-automatic rifle when all we’ve got is one measly pistol? Not to mention our eyesight and hearing aren’t what they used to be. This would give new meaning to “duck and cover” in schools.

Mr. Lapierre says the only thing that stops a BAD guy with a gun is a GOOD guy with a gun. Neat.

Mr. Lapierre says guns aren’t the problem because it’s illegal for felons to buy guns. Sure, but isn’t the definition of a felon somebody who broke the law once or 30 times?

OK, so let’s check the federal registry of gun transactions and see which felons are getting guns. Oops. The law prohibits creation of a federal registry of gun transactions.

I don’t know the answer, friends. Maybe I’d know if I were a wiser, more compassionate person. Like Mother Teresa for example. Now that I think about it, I know what she would say: Lay down your weapons and love one another.

Yes, that just might work.

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A staff member wrote, edited or posted this article, which may include information provided by one or more third parties.

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