When I was 10 my family moved to a town in Wisconsin called
Brown Deer. I quickly learned that the local newspaper’s police
report log drew more interest than front-page stories.
When I was 10 my family moved to a town of 12,000 people in Wisconsin called Brown Deer. I quickly learned that the local newspaper’s police report log – which was buried on page 12 – drew more interest than front-page stories or other articles in our quaint weekly.
The Free Lance doesn’t publish police blotters because, I’d like to think, our news stories rouse more interest. So this week, for your entertainment, I decided to comb the region’s small-town papers for interesting – and real – police reports. Additionallly, with each one I used my reporting instincts and did some extra digging.
The following are those police reports along with previously unpublished “inside” information about the incidents.
The Northern Light (Blaine, Wash.), Oct. 1 – “A person reported a suspicious object to police. He said it looked like a shirt wrapped with duct tape. Officers found the object, and it was just a shirt wrapped with duct tape. The shirt was disposed of.”
What the police didn’t report: That night, police also recovered other suspicious items in the same neighborhood – including a rusted hubcap in the street gutter, three cigarette butts and a pair of pee-stained underwear in a garbage dumpster. All items were taken to the crime lab for analysis.
The Northern Light, Oct. 7 – “A resident reported hearing chirping and observed two men on the second floor balcony of a vacant apartment. The men vanished when police arrived. No evidence of an intrusion was found. Extra patrol was provided.”
What the police didn’t report: Police later cornered the chirping men in an alley. At that point, the men panicked and dove head-first into large windows at full speed. They fell to the ground and were pronounced dead at the scene.
The Arcata (Calif.) Eye, Jan. 11 – “An Elk River Road man complained his ex-wife and her new boyfriend keep sneaking into the house and taking things out of the refrigerator.”
What the police didn’t report: The ex-wife still owns three snack packs and a package of processed cheese slices in that refrigerator. The couple didn’t actually steal anything. They merely took her cheese and left.
The Redding (Calif.) Record-Searchlight, Jan. 14 – “Eggs were thrown at a residence in the 5000 block of Huntington Drive.”
What the police didn’t report: That particular residence fully deserved the egging. The woman who lives there is one of those singers of the national anthem at sporting events whose overly eccentric rendition hurts the ears like broken glass in the eyes.
The Record-Searchlight, Jan. 17 – “Horseshoeing tools were stolen from a vehicle in the 4700 block of Dandelion Drive.”
What the police didn’t report: A witness described a suspect as 6 feet, 3 inches tall with four legs and weighing about 1,100 pounds. Police became suspicious, though, when the same witness also said the suspect was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket and answered to the name “Dingleberry.” The witness was arrested on charges of theft and public intoxication.
The Cupertino Courier, Dec. 27 – “An unknown person rented a baby stroller from the customer service department of a local shopping mall and did not return it. The stroller has been missing for more than two weeks. The reporting party, who is a security manager at the mall, called the phone number the suspect left with customer service at the time of the rental but was unable to reach her.”
What the police didn’t report: The security manager called the phone number again later that day and reached the suspect. At first, he started yelling at her, but after they talked for awhile he decided she had a sexy voice and asked her on a date. She said yes and all charges were dropped.
The Arcata Eye’s police log is so unique that it was the subject of a story by The Associated Press last year and a book of some of its more unusual entries will soon be published. Its Web site is at www.arcataeye.com/police/
