Today some urgent news: we are in a recession! Yes, I know this
is probably not a shock to you, but since this financial mess isn’t
going to be resolved within the next, say
… day or two, it is time to have a heart-to-heart discussion
about your marriage.
Today some urgent news: we are in a recession! Yes, I know this is probably not a shock to you, but since this financial mess isn’t going to be resolved within the next, say … day or two, it is time to have a heart-to-heart discussion about your marriage.
Yes, this icky (a highly technical financial term) economy and marriage go together like Mother Teresa and crack cocaine. They don’t. Go together. At all.
Ladies, if you’re sporting a rock the size of a grapefruit on your left hand’s fourth finger and your hubby isn’t happy unless you’re shopping up a storm, good for you. This column is not for you. And guys: does your wife refuse to spend a penny on herself? Does she cut her own hair? Do her own nails? Wearing shoes she bought in 1982? Then check her driver’s license, pal, because you’ve married an alien, and I don’t mean an alien originating anywhere on Planet Earth.
But if you’re suddenly feeling that your marriage wasn’t exactly made in heaven and financial woes are causing a few new rifts in your matrimonial world, you are not alone.
Couples usually begin their lives together with a few opposing opinions on the best way to handle a dollar. Save it? Invest it? Spend it? The old “opposites attract” rule is never more apparent than it is in today’s economy, and what may have been endearing behavior a year ago is suddenly not so much. Even if you have cash out the wazoo, a poopy (another highly technical financial term) economy can cause even the happiest marriage to wobble a bit.
As you might imagine, my spouse and I are not immune to the challenges of the economy. And of course we have a lot of company. I mean, when your 401(k)’s bottom line is best described as “down the crapper,” it causes a few anxious moments in most marriages. So a decision is made to tighten up the purse strings.
Now this means different things to different people. To me, this might mean reducing the number of lattes I purchase in a week from seven to, well … five perhaps. Now that’s what I call belt tightening! But my spouse, who I’ll refer to here simply as “Mr. H.,” sees things a little differently:
Me: “What’s the good of having saved money all our lives if we’re not going to spend it? My perfect plan is to die with zero cash in the bank, credit cards charged to the max and all of my payments are due.”
Mr. H: “Sure, and with my luck I’ll still be alive.”
Well. You see what I’m up against here, people. Of course he may be a little apprehensive because when we got married 34 years ago, he had a savings account and I, well … didn’t. In fact, you might go so far as to say that he married the national debt because I was a working girl and, you know, we working girls had to look cute.
So in my 20s, needing to make bold fashion statements while being short on actual cash, I discovered credit cards. They looked so pretty in my billfold, all lined up like trendy little soldiers. I made the rounds and acquired fun cards from all sorts of department stores including many that are now extinct: both the Magnin’s (“Joe” and “I.”). Roos/Atkins. Rhodes. The Emporium. And each store showed us the way to instant gratification with that ultimate bargaining tool: the “revolving” charge account.
Of course I eventually revolved myself into a pretty deep hole, but I recognized the error of my ways in, you know, 25 or so years and cleaned up my act. So I didn’t get it when I made a teeny little request the other day and got this negative reaction:
Me: “I love the new dresser we bought for the guestroom, but wouldn’t it look nice with different drawer hardware? What do you think about getting new drawer pulls for the dresser?”
Mr. H: “Replacing brand new hardware on a brand new piece of furniture is a total waste of money. You’re not thinking logically here, Gale.”
Me (huffily): “Well, you know my thinking has never been hampered by logic.”
So while this episode demonstrates that my spouse and I are not always on the same page when it comes to money, we’re working on it. Why, just the other day I came home after a hard day of stimulating the economy. With my arms filled with bags containing a few new (and absolutely necessary) purchases, he said to me wistfully, “You know, Gale, I wish we had the kind of money you think we have.” Hey – that sounds like a great place to start.
