Uncle Sam is going about the hunt for weapons of mass
destruction all wrong. Every woman knows men suffer from the
”
lost and found
”
disorder.
Men lose it and the women find it. An old running joke is a man
would get lost in his own home if it didn’t come with a set of
blueprints. So, no surprise our troops cannot find these notorious
WMD: it doesn’t come with a road map. Also, the ability for men to
find things lost or hidden isn’t included in their programming.
Uncle Sam is going about the hunt for weapons of mass destruction all wrong. Every woman knows men suffer from the “lost and found” disorder.
Men lose it and the women find it. An old running joke is a man would get lost in his own home if it didn’t come with a set of blueprints. So, no surprise our troops cannot find these notorious WMD: it doesn’t come with a road map. Also, the ability for men to find things lost or hidden isn’t included in their programming.
My son, a soldier with the 4th Infantry Division in Tikrit, Iraq, who couldn’t find his shoes or his hockey stick, is now out there hunting for the Insane Hussein and his WMD. We should be sending in a team of experts limited to sisters and wives, mothers and daughters – let them hunt down these WMD, especially the moms.
Moms are great at finding things that are lost, misplaced or hidden, even things she wasn’t supposed to find.
As I remember it, my two daughters always knew where to look for “whatever” it was they were looking for.
Yet, my two sons at all times manage to lose shoes, socks and the occasional hockey stick.
“Where’s my hockey stick?”
Unbelievable – now why should I know where he left it?
“Do I look like the ‘lost and found’ department?” But, like my mumma had said to my father, I answered “right where you left it.”
I have lived through four spouses, two sons and three brothers with the observation that men lose things even if it’s right under their noses or propped on top their head.
“Have you seen my glasses?” This time I point to Jim’s forehead.
“You hid them on me,” he grumbles.
Good grief, where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, dad. Daddy was always in search of his wallet, his keys and quite often, a clean pair of pants, meanwhile grumbling that mom hid whatever he was looking. Not a day went by without a special request from the “lost and found” department.
“Hey Rusty, have you seen my keys?”
Mom, shaking her head, realizes the man she has been living with for over 40 years, not once found a clean towel among many sitting in the same linen closet equally, for 40 years. With a laugh, she gave dad the answer that I learned over the years: “Right where you left them.”
What men lack due to the “lost and found” disorder they do make up by bragging. If the Insane Hussein had his personal hands on those weapons, he would be bragging about it because men love to boast about their boy toys and they all love a big bang.
Jim and his Model A’s are a perfect case in point of men and their boy toys. After two hours of tinkering on the horn, a roaring sound blasted repeatedly from Jim’s shop.
“Ahh-rruugha!” A glint in his eye, he says, “Did you hear that?”
How could I not, he blew out my ear drums tooting his own horn.
Men are great soldiers, but they can’t find anything without a road map.
The reason Saddam Hussein hasn’t used WMD is because he can’t find them! Picture it – Hussein, this fear-provoking dictator wandering the countryside of Iraq, wondering, “Now where did I put the WMD?”
So, where are those weapons of mass destruction? Probably right where Hussein left them in the first place. I suggest you go ask his wife.
“Oh, yeah,” she would say. “The WMD? They are right where he left them next to the camel farm outside Tikrit” Then sadly, shaking her head, she would have to add. “But now, he can’t find the map.”
Linda Lee King is a staff writer with the Free Lance. She finally has a laptop and an Internet connection, and will be working from the Last Chance Ranch for the next few weeks keeping her chickens company.
