From the mouths of teenagers
I have not been speechless very often in my life, but when I am,
it’s usually because of something my children have said.
Being around them this summer has been an education in ways I
never expected. More than a few times, they’ve come out with
statements and questions that have absolutely floored me.
From the mouths of teenagers
I have not been speechless very often in my life, but when I am, it’s usually because of something my children have said.
Being around them this summer has been an education in ways I never expected. More than a few times, they’ve come out with statements and questions that have absolutely floored me.
When one of these declarations comes within the scope of my hearing, the physical effects are obvious.
First, my jaw drops open. Second, it stays that way for a while.
Perhaps there is an attempt at speech, and I think I am making sounds in my throat, but because of the jaw hanging open, nothing meaningful comes out.
Sometimes I am able to close my jaw, but then it drops back open when I consider the question anew. And when sound does finally come out, it’s typically in the form of “ummm …”
It’s not a pretty sight.
I had one of these moments earlier this week when my almost-15-year-old was flipping through a Newsweek magazine and happened upon an article on a rock band that was going on tour.
“Mom,” he said. “Are the Rolling Stones still popular?”
I think a strangling sort of noise must have escaped my lips, and that was about it for a matter of minutes.
How could anybody get to be almost 15 years old and question the utter domination of the Rolling Stones? (Even if they are old enough to be his grandfathers.) It was unbelievable, incredible, inconceivable.
When my voice finally came back, I was able to calmly inform Son No. 2 of the vast significance of the Stones in recent musical history.
His response: “They all sort of look alike, don’t they? Are they English?”
The ignorance of the young can be awe-inspiring.
Now mind you, there have been about, oh, a hundred times this summer when my children’s questions have come out of left field to bonk me in the brain.
I am left speechless by these questions – sometimes by their sheer audacity, other times because they are just things I’ve never had to consider before.
Here is a sampling of these questions, statements and so forth. They are all real. I did not make them up. I bet they’d leave you speechless, too:
– I need a new pair of sunglasses. Can I get these Oakleys? They’re only $310.
– How old do I have to be to get a tattoo?
– If you were being put to death in medieval times, would you rather be hanged or burned at the stake?
– Why can’t we get a monkey?
– Can I get my own ATM card?
– Why do I have to take a shower? It’s not like anyone outside of the family is going to smell me.
– Can you buy me an electric bike?
– Can you buy me a Honda Element?
– How about a hybrid? We really need a hybrid car.
– Can we get a llama? Or an alpaca? They’re funny.
– Why can’t we move to Canada?
– What’s a hypotenuse?
– If we fell in the lake and were drowning, and you could only save one of us, who would you save?
– How old do I have to be to get a motorcycle?
– Can you name the seven wonders of the world? Is Mount Rushmore one of them?
– I really, really, really want a monkey, Mom. Really.
And then there’s the one that really took me aback: “Can I live at home forever?”
Now that’s a jaw-dropper and a half.
