A small group of locals gathered Wednesday to discuss one of the
toughest decisions someone can make: whether it’s time to send a
loved one to a senior-living facility.
A small group of locals gathered Wednesday to discuss one of the toughest decisions someone can make: whether it’s time to send a loved one to a senior-living facility.
Christina Andrade, a family consultant with the nonprofit Health Projects Center, acknowledged that moving a family member away from home can feel like betrayal.
“We all want to keep loved ones at home for as long as possible, especially those of us who are married, because of that whole ‘death do you part’ stuff,” Andrade said.
And there are “steps you can try before you act on the placement issue,” she added, including hiring someone to stay at home with the older family member or installing sensors in the home so people can track them and make sure they’re safe. But there are also times, Abdrade said, particularly if a person has Alzheimer’s disease or another brain impairment, when everyone benefits from moving a family member into a senior facility.
“If you have yourself at a very high stress level and it’s not getting any better because they’re getting worse … you really need to think about your health,” Andrade said. “(Even if they’re not at home), you’re still taking care of them. You’re making sure their needs are being taken care of in the facility.”
Andrade spoke to a group of seven women – among older people, women tend to be the caregivers, she noted – but the discussion was lively, as people shared similar experiences caring for fathers or husbands.
Almost everyone had a story to tell about trying to feed their loved one or keeping them safe. Some wondered whether it was time to send their family member away and, if so, how to break the news.
Eileen Ruiz, on the other hand, has already made that decision. Ruiz. 67, placed her 73-year-old husband – who is suffering from dementia – in a senior facility. She now visits him every day at lunch.
They’ve been married for 50 years and have known each other since Ruiz was 14, but she said her husband no longer recognizes her as his wife.
“I’m just the friend that comes to visit,” Ruiz said. “Of course, when he gets mad at me, he remembers my name.”
After the meeting, Andrade said it was a mix of regular attendees and new faces. The local caregiver support group, sponsored by the Health Projects Center, meets once a month. The group is often just a chance for people to talk, but it also occasionally focuses on a specific topic, such as the placement dilemma discussed Wednesday. The issue seemed to draw first-time attendees, Andrade said.
“We’re here for the caregivers,” she said.
Ruiz said she’s been attending the meetings since they began a year ago and she doesn’t plan to stop anytime soon.
“You can sit and talk,” she said. “I still come because of the people.”
