Letter: Preparing for elder care

We recently lost our mother and realized in light of what had gone on with her these last seven years and her decline in health, how important it is to have a will, living will, advanced directive and/or a power of attorney.  It is even more important that you do this when you are of sound mind and that you do it in writing, with a lawyer. If you have a large family, please make sure they are all involved or that you have a large selection of relatives that you know will carry out your wishes. Relatives that are all a part of this process are able to make a decision collectively and as per requested by the elder.
Remember that there are agencies such as local law enforcement, adult protective services, health and human services and others, that are there to serve and protect, but as a relative of an elder you have to be proactive and make sure that everything is being done for that elder in their time of need.
If an elder is in a nursing home situation and there is something going on, you can call the local Ombudsmen services, but in a home care situation it is totally up to the people that are on as an elder’s, Power of Attorney, or conservator to make sure that the elder is taken care of in accordance with her or his wishes.
On March 8, 2014, our mother had a massive stroke, because we were not part of her advanced elder care, we had to get information where we could. We could not call the hospital, because of the HIPPA privacy laws, but did call around to patient relations and hospital social services.  We received a frantic call from one of the relatives and he said it seemed as though something was not right. We made the decision to go up to the hospital the next day, because of us physically going up to the hospital and the social worker knowing we were coming, there was a family meeting. We were aware that our mom had a advanced directive and knew of her wishes not to be kept alive by artificial means. We were told that we had impeccable timing, by physically going to the hospital and getting social work involved, we prevented our mom from being kept alive by artificial means, per her wishes.
On the flip side, the hospital’s hands are tied just like the person that is not named on an advanced directive.
Our mom was almost 90 years old, she was in diapers, she was in a full state of dementia and then she had a massive stroke. After she had the stroke, she was paralyzed on the left side of her body, in a semi-coma state, her head was clearly swollen and she kept having high blood pressure issues. She was allowed to die in peace and with no pain on March 15, 2014.
Joe Regalado and Patricia Dommert, Hollister