Here we are, halfway through my son’s senior year of high school and I have learned something very important: Senior year is more expensive than any other year of high school. Basically, it’s the year that parents spend like drunken Beverly Hills housewives using their soon-to-be-ex-husband’s black AMEX for the last time.
Yes, it’s that bad.
First there are senior photos. Now, I love senior photos, if only because it’s the one photo your child takes for school in which they look absolutely, incredibly happy and not like they are going to be taken to a dungeon to learn to read and write. Check out any yearbook in America. All the senior photos have people with happy smiles that say, “We’re outta here! Yay!” And the freshman photos have people with sad smiles that say, “I’m looking at the dungeon stairs! Help me!”
But to get those happy photos, you have to go to the happy photo place that the school selects. So you send your senior to his/her appointment – oh wait, no. It’s not that easy. You see, your incoming senior is not picture perfect. Nope, prior to the photo day he/she needs a haircut, a new anti-acne routine and possibly a full on makeover.
Only then can they go to the appointment where they get to wear the same drape/faux tuxedo that 17-year-olds have been wearing since the senior photo was first invented. Is it just me or does every parent want to dip their kid in anti-bacterial soap after wearing the faux tux?
Anyway – germy clothing aside – that, my friends, is just the first of many times you will open your wallet senior year.
Next comes the SAT. Now this seems easy, right? I mean, you just pay for the test; your child takes it and bam! All done and ready for college. Um, no. Things have changed since the dark ages when we rode a dinosaur to the SAT cave. Now your child needs to have SAT coaching. Yes, they need to be taught to take the test. I, of course, was taught to take the test as well. Our junior year, the homeroom teacher said, “Don’t forget to throw away your scratch paper.”
Next, you need to purchase a yearbook. And of course, class rings – a lovely circle of faux metal and plastic stone that looks like something from the Claire’s bargain bin that will last a lifetime – or at least until the summer after graduation when your child will invariably lose it. If you’re lucky, the ring will be found 50 years later and your child will be featured on CNN as the person whose precious memento was found washed up on a beach in Australia. The reunification of person and class ring will be captured on film for the entire world to see, despite the fact that the person who lost it forgot the ring existed about five seconds after graduation.
And then there are college applications. Each application costs money. And, not surprisingly, it is recommended that your child apply to more than one college. Some people recommend 10 colleges. At $55 or more dollars a pop. And let’s not even get into tuition costs, because frankly, that’s heart attack territory.
After that comes the “graduation package.” This includes your cap and gown, graduation announcements and some “extras,” including the ice tassel. Seriously? What the heck is an ice tassel? Is it cold? Does it melt? Is it just a fancier tassel that will hang on the rear view mirror of your senior’s car until he/she gets to college and realizes that nobody on the planet hangs tassels from the rear view mirror because it makes it difficult to use your fake ID to buy beer?
And then there is the senior dinner/dance. And the senior panorama photos. And the class T-shirt. And the … yeah. So we’re only halfway through the year and already my wallet looks like a busted old relic. And I haven’t even ordered the class ring yet. But don’t worry. I’m planning a trip to Claire’s bargain bin soon.
