What is it about a guarantee that the American public loves so
much? Actually, let me rephrase that. What is it about a guarantee
that the American media loves so much?
What is it about a guarantee that the American public loves so much? Actually, let me rephrase that. What is it about a guarantee that the American media loves so much?
Yes, it’s the return of The Week That Was. After a three-week hiatus, TWTW is back to poke fun at things that are completely irrelevant.
And what’s more irrelevant than Pittsburgh Steelers defensive back Anthony Smith making a “guarantee” on a regular season game.
No, Smith isn’t stirring images of Joe Namath, which is probably a good thing (Namath to Kolber, “I just want to kiss you”), but the fact that few outside of Pittsburgh have ever heard of Anthony Smith is what makes this “guarantee” comedic gold.
“We’re going to win,” Smith told the Associated Press. “Yeah, I can guarantee a win. As long as we come out and do what we got to do. Both sides of the ball are rolling, and if our special teams come through for us, we’ve got a good chance to win.”
Adding to the hilarity of the situation, Smith goes from “guarantee” to “we’ve got a good chance to win” in about the same amount of time as Smith will go from starter to bench once Ryan Clark returns from injury.
Clark was the starting free safety at the beginning of the season, and the reason Smith is playing is because Clark needed spleen surgery in late October.
While Pittsburgh has probably the best chance of anyone in the regular season to upend the undefeated Patriots, why even go as far to make any sort of “guarantee”?
I actually think the Steelers will win … er, wait. Hold on. Smith just made another comment.
“They’ve got Walker and Moss,” Smith told the AP, referring to Patriots receivers Wes Welker and Randy Moss. “But they’re not like Cincinnati.”
So, you “guarantee” a win, you say Cincinnati’s receiving corps is better than New England’s, and then for the ultimate slap in the face, you refer to Wes Welker as “Walker.”
Check that. The Pats will crush Pittsburgh this weekend.
Here are three other observations from the week that was:
– LSU head coach Les Miles signed a contract extension that will keep the suspected Michigan-bound coach in Baton Rouge through 2012.
Now, I believe it.
– Barry Bonds wants to return to the majors. He was just indicted by a grand jury on four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice, and he wants to play baseball again.
I can’t figure this guy out. In fact, I’m sick of trying to figure this guy out.
His attempted “comeback” may be an attempt to appear not guilty. I mean, if he thinks he can play baseball next year, that also means he thinks he won’t be in jail next year as well. Good for him.
But when Bonds’ fans tried to defend the slugger, one of the obvious points that would be routinely brought up was, “Why isn’t anyone attacking McGwire or Palmeiro?”
Well, for one, it’s because those guys faded from the limelight. We can’t call them out in every column or article because we have nothing recent to call them out about.
Bonds continues to hang around, wanting to play baseball, searching for another contract, getting indicted, and then can’t figure out why the media won’t stop bothering him.
And all of this with a cloud of doubt circling around his hallowed home run record.
Where do I sign!
– The winter meetings wrapped up this week in Nashville, and the Detroit Tigers traded six players to the Florida Marlins for Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera.
In an e-mail response to the AP, Tigers closer Todd Jones said, “Wow. Those moves put us over the top. The 35-5 start might be in trouble from ’84.”
Is that a guarantee, Todd?
