I am sitting on my sofa waiting to feel happy and energized. I
know it will happen any minute now since I just spent the day
improving my house’s feng shui. For those of you lucky enough not
to know, feng shui is a popular Chinese interior decorating
technique you can use to improve your mood, create power and luck,
and increase your energy field.
I am sitting on my sofa waiting to feel happy and energized. I know it will happen any minute now since I just spent the day improving my house’s feng shui. For those of you lucky enough not to know, feng shui is a popular Chinese interior decorating technique you can use to improve your mood, create power and luck, and increase your energy field.
I decided to try it since I could definitely use the extra energy to keep up with my two children – and the thought of having any kind of power in my life excited me.
According to the book, “The World of Feng Shui,” there are several simple, affordable things you can do to create a gentle, uncomplicated flow of energy, or “chi,” throughout your house.
In fact, after only reading the first few pages I found out that the major problem with my house is that the stairway, which points towards the front door, is letting all of my lucky chi run out of the house directly into my yard. Well, let me tell you, while this idea may sound silly at first – it sure explains a lot of things. Like why I haven’t won the lottery or found a tablecloth that matches my drapery fabric, and why I haven’t been able to get rid of all of the ants in the kitchen. But now I know why the potted geraniums in front of the house are always doing so well.
The book said that all I would have to do to fix my problem is either knock out a wall and point the stairway in a different direction, or slide an object in front of the stairway large enough to block my chi from escaping out the door and into the house across the street. So I did what any modern woman would do when faced with an interior decorating dilemma: I moved the sofa.
After it was securely in place in front of the stairs, I went into the kitchen where, and this might come as a big surprise to some of you, I saw the refrigerator. This was OK, the book explained, except it would subliminally draw me to it, make me eat more, gain weight, become obsessive, turn miserable, and spend my days locked inside the pantry alone with a gallon of double fudge chocolate ice cream and box of Twinkies. To think, all along I had blamed genetics and childbirth for my extra pounds when it was really caused by misdirected feng shui. I shudder to think about all of the money I spent on health club memberships and fad diets when apparently all I needed to do was to move my refrigerator out of the kitchen.
But the only empty space near an electrical outlet was in the living room where the sofa had been. So I decided to disguise it with my children’s artwork and move on instead.
Then chapter two assured me that wind chimes hung in the house would increase my family’s creativity. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person who figures if one will do the job, five will do it even better. So I went to the backyard, got my collection of ceramic wind chimes and placed them in strategic places around the house.
Next, I wandered into the bedroom and moved the bed against a solid wall so I would feel safe and secure. Then I moved the mirror away from the foot of the bed so my soul wouldn’t arise at night, float to the other side of the room, and be shocked by seeing its own image – although I couldn’t imagine this being any different than what I go through walking through a department store during the day.
When I finished with the bedroom, I placed a rug under the computer for its continued good health, placed a clock on the wall across from the office door to subconsciously suggest that anytime is a good time to be there, and put a rock on the book shelf to remind my family of the special association we have with each other, the Earth, and the entire animal kingdom – although, at the moment, I have absolutely no idea what that might be.
And now I’m sitting on the sofa waiting to feel happy, wealthy, energized, and more creative – besides, my back hurts and I have a headache from all of the wind chimes. But I’m not worried. I know feng shui will change my life any minute. I can feel it. Really, change is coming. Any minute now.
Debbie Farmer is a humorist and a mother holding down the fort in California, and the author of “Don’t Put Lipstick on the Cat.” You can reach her at [email protected].
