I can just imagine, in 15 or 20 years, what I’ll be saying to my
kids and their friends.
I can just imagine, in 15 or 20 years, what I’ll be saying to my kids and their friends.
“When I was your age, a candy bar was 45 cents…. When I was your age, I used to walk a mile in the snow to school everyday… When I was your age, we had textbooks, notebooks and human teachers.”
OK, on principle I won’t say those things. And I’m exaggerating a bit about the robotic teacher thing – I hope.
Without a doubt, though, school has already changed in the 12 years since I trudged through the ear-numbing Wisconsin wind before the 8 a.m. bell for middle school homeroom each day.
Most glaring, schools now close for holidays, it seems, more often than politicians mutter the phrase “weapons of mass destruction.”
Area schools are closed two days in the next two weeks for presidents’ birthdays. And some California school districts, including one in Gilroy, are off an entire week for Presidents’ Day.
Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.
Soon enough, if the trend continues, kids will be at home playing video games because Ben Affleck turned 40. They’ll be off for Michael Jordan Day, Jimmy Carter Day, Kevin Bacon Day, Spiro Agnew Day, Jesse Jackson Day and Dean Cain Day (after all, he was Superman). Schools may even close a week to celebrate a day for each cast member of “Friends.”
I don’t have a problem with schools closing for Presidents Day or other historical days. But kids should earn those vacations on certain conditions.
The day before the holiday, for instance, classes should be quizzed on the first 16 presidents in U.S. history, or even the first 10, or five.
Now please don’t get angry at me, teachers and parents, because I, admittedly, ashamedly, couldn’t have named those presidents myself. I was too busy watching “Saved by the Bell” and making action-stunt movies with my cousins.
To be honest, thinking back to my own youth, I’m a little jealous about all these vacation days. In third grade I would have memorized all the U.S. presidents, every Prime Minister in Canadian history and every capital city in Europe – just for one extra day off per year.
And for an entire week off from school? I would have passed the Wisconsin bar exam.
I worked hard for my days off as a mischievous school boy – coughing and complaining until Mom would finally give in.
“All right, Kollin,” she’d say with a hint of doubt. “Put on your pajamas, you can stay home.”
Thanks for understanding, Mom.
I guess that’s one positive that comes from all these extra vacation days. Truancy will be nonexistent 10 years from now. After all, why should Billy and Susie skip school when Freddie Prinze Jr.’s birthday is around the corner.
And another thing, while I’m being foolishly bitter. I heard kids aren’t required to square dance in gym class anymore. At one local school this year, according to a reliable source, this great (and often dreaded) tradition was replaced by request of students with Tae Bo!
As I sit here at my computer, a native of our nation’s polka capital, I am silent and overwhelmingly saddened, with nothing but tears rolling down my cheek, nothing but memories and hope dripping to my keyboard.
If you see me on the street, please don’t beat me up; I’m only kidding. But I do think it’s unfair. Not only do these kids have DVDs, cell phones, computer technology and 150 vacation days per year. But also, now they don’t polka in gym? Why don’t we send them all off to Hawaii for a month while we’re at it?
OK, so I’m merely jealous about the days off, like a big brother whose little brother gets better Christmas gifts. And I can live without the square dancing. But please – oh, please – don’t allow Tae Bo as its permanent replacement.
