That suit should be illegal
Considering the universe would explode if a member of the press
decided to hold his own press conference, I’ve decided to use this
column space to announce that I’m going to the Olympic Games in
Beijing this August to compete in men’s swimming.
Please, hold your questions.
That suit should be illegal
Considering the universe would explode if a member of the press decided to hold his own press conference, I’ve decided to use this column space to announce that I’m going to the Olympic Games in Beijing this August to compete in men’s swimming.
Please, hold your questions.
I don’t have any prior experience in the sport, I’ve never competed on any level at any time, and the word on the street is that I didn’t actually learn how to dive into a pool – nothing fancy, just basic diving – until I was high school. Quite frankly, I very well may drown.
But I’ve decided to go against all logic and hop a flight to China anyway. I haven’t actually qualified for the Olympics, so maybe they’ll take me as a walk-on.
All I need is a fancy-schmancy Speedo LZR Racer swimsuit, and I’m good to go.
The Olympics begin in less than a month now, but if you have a moment, I suggest you check out the Speedo Web site, which is currently keeping a running count on how many World Records have been broken among swimmers donning the LZR Racer.
According to the Web site, swimmers adorned with the Speedo LZR Racer have shattered 44 World Records to date.
Hey, Barry Bonds just called. He just wanted to let everyone know that he’s still widely hated.
But seriously, how is this any different than taking steroids? It’s technology, I know, but it’s a performance-enhancer in the shape of a water-repelling swimsuit.
For some reason, advances in technology – technology affecting the equipment that athletes use – have made unbelievable feats in sports completely legitimate.
Suddenly, we’re living in a sports world where it’s okay to throw on a swimsuit that is advertised to make you go faster, use a driver that is advertised to make your ball go farther. As long as you’re not taking a pill, or rubbing on a cream, or shooting a needle into your butt, then you’re all right.
Sports Illustrated recently ran an article on the LZR Racer – as well as other swimsuits that are similar to the Speedo model, such as the TYR Sport Tracer Rise –noting that 20 records have been set this year alone, 19 of which were broken by swimmers wearing the LZR Racer.
Even more ridiculous is the times in the men’s 50 freestyle, the sports magazine reported. Russian Alexander Popov set the mark in 2000 with a 21.64, but that record was broken four times in six weeks last year, and currently sits at 21.28.
The LZR Racer uses a technology that streamlines the swimmer, and although it’s a swimsuit, it somehow magically repels water. Coupled with its bonded seams, the swimsuit reduces the amount of friction in the pool.
Those wearing it have said they felt like a torpedo in the pool, or a rocket, or a fish, or said that it even felt like they were downhill skiing – pretty much anything but swimming.
And yes, it’s legal.
Michael Phelps still has to be Michael Phelps for records to be broken, but we all know that athletes are bigger, stronger and faster than they were 40 years ago. Why not let the development of the athlete happen naturally like it has for the last 40 years? And why does no one seem to care?
Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have been essentially kicked out of the brotherhood of baseball – Hall of Fame most likely included – because they allegedly knowingly or unknowingly took steroids, and subsequently hit a bunch of home runs and struck out a bunch of batters, respectively.
Pardon me for searching for some consistency, but where’s Congress when you need them?
The reason why this will continue in the pool is because it’s economics, of course, and the fact that swimming is being talked about with as much enthusiasm as baseball right now probably means it’ll never change. At the Olympic swimming trials last week, each swimmer was given an LZR Racer, whether they were endorsed by Speedo or not.
But it’s not just swimming that is using technology to enhance the athlete.
Golf has been doing it for years. Wood drivers aren’t wood anymore, but rather titanium and aluminum. The face of a tennis racket is larger and more forgiving than it was when Bjorn Borg played. Even the seemingly innocent sport of pole vaulting uses fiberglass poles, a far cry from the steel poles it once used.
Expect many a-record broken at the Summer Games, especially considering that not every country is using the LZR Racer due to contractual obligations.
Come August, may the best swimsuit win.
